worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
