is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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