Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
