If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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