if i can run in heels then i can drive
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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