If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
