Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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