I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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