did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
