can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
