can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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