I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
