At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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