So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
