If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
