Yo dont text me then not text me
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
