Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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