im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
