Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
