Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
as a side note pls kill me
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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