Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
