Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
