I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
