I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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