i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
