Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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