how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
