your parents love me but you hate me
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
