I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
