I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
