If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
