your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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