dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize