At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
