well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
