My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
