so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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