I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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