I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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