Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Hippo gnu deer
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
