you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
