I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
