i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
