I got chris browned last night
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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