you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
