So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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