I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
