I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize