a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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