you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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