a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Drunk is not a location!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
