I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
