I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
