Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
