I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
