Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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