And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
