you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
