Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
