That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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