listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
