Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
