I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize