She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Randomize
