i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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