I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
