my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
