I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
