I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
