Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
