cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
