You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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