i think my mom watched the whole time
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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