omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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