just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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