Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
