I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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