maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
