I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
