I think I just saw someone hide a body.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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