Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
