i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
