Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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