I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
