bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
