Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
3pm strippers are depressing
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
