well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
