Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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