Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
