After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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