we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
