I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
