I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
