So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
