"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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