No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
