Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
