About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
