you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
