Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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