Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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