mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
