You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
